Empowered Protection
(Excerpt from Executive Director/CEO remarks at POV’s Evening Over Violence 2023 event 10/26/23)
What do we mean by empowered protection? It means that when we as humans become empowered…it is not POWER OVER. It is POWER WITH. It is not just about the I - it is about the WE. There is a WE in Empowerment.
Together we can empower and protect each other.
Traditionally, a woman needed a man or a husband to protect her. It was considered unladylike for women to stand up for themselves. Children were taught to be silent about what happened to them …or not listened to or believed.. Marginalized communities were left with limited sources for help - calling the police or being lost in the maze of seeking help within bureaucracies that aren’t user friendly… it seemed like protection had to do with the other, outside entities, external systems or a manly protector. The individual was invisible and deemed powerless in their own protection. And it became evident that sometimes the person who is the protector is actually the abuser.
Our push for empowerment of individuals and families and communities calls for engagement in our own safety, to have agency in one’s life, and participate in our own protection… and with a collective consciousness, with the community. It is not imposed from the outside; we are not being saved by anyone. We are participants, participants with power and agency and an intimate knowledge about what is needed to be seen, to be heard, to be safe, to be brave. In an enlightened society these qualities will be taught, acknowledged and respected. Empowerment has been the basis of POV’s Empowerment Self Defense and Safety program for decades.
Children, teens and adults – we all need to be engaged in our own safety and protection, and then we have to do it together for each other. Let’s not leave anybody out of learning how to have empowerment, agency and voice. With enlightened programming and policies we can do this. But it requires a shift. That’s why we are raising our children with more education about self defense and safety. Look both ways when you cross the street but also your body belongs to you and you have a say over who can touch you, who hugs you and who you trust.
My granddaughter is 6 years old. One day I spontaneously gave her a hug… and she pulled away from me. She said: “Nonna, I didn’t ask for a hug and I didn’t say you could hug me”
OKAY! I got the message, But as important ….is that she GAVE the message.
If children learn this while young, they will carry it with them and build on these qualities into adulthood.
We are beginning to understand at this stage of our human development that we have to be supported in order to nurture our own capacities, help each other develop strengths, and collaborate within our families and among communities to protect each other... to be brave with and for eachother… but from the base of empowerment.
We have been reflecting on this transformation for decades — in collaboration with systems, whether it is health, education, law enforcement, children's services, judicial, or commerce. It is not healthy for these systems that we all co-create to overpower the consumers of services. That’s all of us. An example is when a court allows a child to have custody or unsupervised visits with an abusive parent. The judge has the say….and sometimes from a limited vision and flawed law. Systems must pay attention to what families need and those working within the system must have the courage to challenge the traditional power-over model. “The husband or father or parent or police or judge or politician knows best.” That doesn’t always work – our systems need to engage with the people…..victim/survivors and communities all aiming toward engagement and having agency.
Every person has a voice that should be heard. Every person should be agents and advocates in their own lives. It starts young and never should end in each stage of life…from childhood to elderhood. Systems that bulldoze and bully do not work, they are not healthy for people and other living things.
Together we empower and protect each other.
