The Cycle of Violence and Power and Control

The cycle of violence is a pattern of behaviors which keeps survivors locked in the abusive relationship.

Understanding the cycle of violence is crucial in stopping relationship violence as well as in answering the most common questions regarding battering.

There are three stages to the cycle of violence:

1. First is the tension building phase. In this phase, the batterer gets edgy and tension begins to build up. This is where the battered person may feel like they are walking on eggshells.
2. Second is the actual explosion phase where the physical abuse occurs. It can last from a few minutes to several hours.
3. Third is the honeymoon phase. The perpetrator may be sorry or act like nothing happened; but is still interested in making up and may even promise never to do it again. However, the tension almost always starts to build again, thus continuing the cycle.

A survivor of domestic abuse does not need to experience physical abuse to be abused.

Often the psychological abuse can leave someone feeling fearful, helpless and powerless to act on their own behalf. People affected by domestic violence are rich, poor, married, divorced or single, from all ethnic backgrounds and economic levels. They can be able-bodied or with a disability, heterosexual or homosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual and/or transgender. As someone affected by domestic violence and battering they will find that they have common issues with many others who have also experienced this type of violence.

The Power & Control diagram is a particularly helpful tool in understanding the overall pattern of abusive and violent behaviors, which are used by a batterer to establish and maintain control over their partner. Very often, one or more violent incidents are accompanied by an array of these other types of abuse. They are less easily identified, yet firmly establish a pattern of intimidation and control in the relationship.